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Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships Marianne Williamson
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Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships
Marianne Williamson
Simon & Schuster, New York, 2001
I am new to
writing book reviews. I’ve only written a few so far, mostly
about books that I have enjoyed. When I started writing for
this site, I didn’t really expect to be penning negative
reviews. I didn’t imagine that I would waste my time with
books in which I wasn’t interested, or with which I didn’t
sympathize. But having perused Marianne Williamson’s Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships,
I have decided to set an early precedent. Here is a book
that so set my teeth on edge, that so raised the hair on my head, that
it has opened up a whole new vista for me. I now realize
that if I wanted to get into the practice of writing negative reviews,
I would have an inexhaustible source. For I sense that this
book is not an isolated case, but rather representative of an entire
genre. There must be thousands and thousands of books of
this type, and I could spend an eternity wading through their
pap-filled pages. I could revel in their authors’ warped
intentions and diseased intellects. I could sink my teeth
into an entire literature that caters to people’s infantile needs under
the guise of satisfying their truly spiritual impulses. But
that would mean actually reading vast quantities of this type of
material, and I surely would not have the fortitude for that.
Let me confess right away that I did not have the stomach to read Ms.
Williamson’s book in its entirety. I really didn’t even make
it completely through the first chapter, “The Enchanted
Sea.” This chapter, together with the Introduction, is meant
to sell us on the idea of “true romance” as something that will answer
our spiritual and emotional cravings. Ms. Williamson sees
romance as not only fulfilling the need for adventure, but also as
supplying the individual with a sense of identity. The
notion that romance is not for everyone is characterized as a big lie,
a social conspiracy, and a perverse doctrine designed to convince us
that our lack of courage is some form of psychological
health. Yet it is Ms. Williamson who uses the tactics of the
Big Lie. “So many people are looking for love,” she states,
“yet they are actually committed to never finding it.” This
is the classic brainwashing technique—to convince us that we are in
need of something and then that we are the ones responsible for not
possessing it. It is the one-two punch that keeps people in
perpetual servitude to any and all forms of hucksterism, whether
political, commercial, or spiritual.
Yet Ms. Williamson DOES offer us some genuine insights in her initial
pages. “Our deepest human need,” she states, “is not
material at all: Our deepest need is to be seen.” This statement is a profound truth, and Enchanted Love
caters to this very human need. In fact, it exploits
it. “Romantic love,” she also writes, “is like a train that
cannot be ridden without a ticket. Some people have the
emotional, psychological, and spiritual propensities for a truly
romantic love, while others shy away from its deep and oceanic
currents.” The assertion that certain people possess a
propensity for romantic love while others don’t is also very true, but
the phrase “shy away from” that immediately follows carries a faint,
but palpably critical tone. This is followed up in the next
sentence with a more direct accusation: “Many people say they want it
desperately, yet actually do everything in their power to avoid
it.” Here we have the full-blown premise of pop psychology
that we can be anything we want to be if we can only stop ourselves
from sabotaging our own efforts.
The implication of all this is that romantic love is something that
each of us should have, that each of us deserves, that divides the
adventurous from the timid, and that only we ourselves are holding us
back from experiencing. And there is a modicum of truth to
this. There is no doubt that, on a cosmic level, we are the
architects of our own destiny, that we have put ourselves where we are,
and that we are ultimately responsible for our own
experiences. But the fallacy here lies in the implication
that we are not complete until we have found romantic love, and that
until then we are deficient, flawed, and un-whole. In
essence, Ms. Williamson is trying to sell us on her own
experience. She is setting herself up as a model, paradigm,
and exemplar of love, as a swashbuckler on the field of
intimacy. The human response is to view her as a romantic
heroine. But unlike a heroine in a romantic novel, Ms.
Williamson inhabits the same world as her readers. It is no
wonder, therefore, that she has founded a church, The Church of Today,
and commands a following of people apparently dazed by her amalgam of
romanticism and spirituality.
The laudatory quote by fellow spiritual romanticist Sarah Ban
Breathnach on the cover of Enchanted Love states that
Ms. Williamson’s book “gives new meaning to the search for ‘heaven on
earth’.” And that is truly what this is all about—people
seeking heaven on earth. And there IS heaven on
earth. To say that earth is entirely divorced from heaven
would be an untruth. But the true realization of heaven on
earth is to be found in the NOW, in being content with what we have
this moment, not for striving after romantic love, blaming ourselves
for not having it, and trying to emulate other people’s
experiences. We can be spiritual adventurers regardless of
whether we find Ms. Williamson’s brand of intimacy in this lifetime or
not. Lack of intimacy is not necessarily a result of
cowardice. In fact, living without intimacy requires a
special brand of courage. This kind of courage is something
that I suspect Ms. Williamson lacks. And the celebration of
her experiences may be no more than that—a valorization of herself.
 Enchanted Love reminds me of none other than Donald Trump’s numerous books, such as The Art of the Deal or The Art of the Comeback. Neither
Mr. Trump nor Ms. Williamson claims that their books will enable their
readers to emulate their experiences. Ms. Williamson
expressly states, “This book is not about how to have a long-term
relationship. It is not a formula. It is merely
one woman’s musings on what I have seen beyond the veil of
love.” But the disclaimer is part of the
sell. Whether this is calculated on their authors’ part or
not, people read these books because they covet their authors’
experiences. I believe the comparison with Trump is apt
because intimacy is a commodity. It’s like
money. Some people have it and some don’t. The
world is certainly full of opportunity, but it is not a place of
infinite abundance. Not everyone is going to be overflowing
with material possessions like Donald Trump, or rich in intimate
experience like Ms. Williamson.
I know so many people who have a deep capacity for love, who are
sensitive, giving, kind, responsive to others, and yet have never
experienced the type of intimacy that Ms. Williamson describes, nor are
likely to do so. And there are countless possible reasons
for this. They may have set up certain conditions for
themselves before they ever entered this world. They may
have a particular mission or purpose in life that requires that they
remain independent, even alone. They may not have the
attractive power or social skills needed to initiate
relationships. Their capacity for love may go unrecognized
because of other people's superficial standards of appearance and
financial stability. Or they may simply not need this type
of experience.
The notion that all people can find romantic love except for the fact
that they shy away from it, are afraid of it, or avoid it, is a
spiritual fallacy that is akin to that of political
conservatism. The Republicans offer us the same doctrine in
economic terms. All you need is to have the right attitude,
determination, or work ethic, and you can make it. But all
people are not created equal. They have different degrees of
physical beauty, intelligence, and drive. Moreover, while
everyone has something to contribute, not everyone’s talents or
contributions are equally valued by society. A teacher may
work extremely hard and contribute immeasurably to his or her students’
welfare, but be paid very little for it. A financial
investor may go to the office, make a few calls, and earn more than the
teacher could in a year. A model can make millions simply by
showing off her body, while a plain woman cannot find simple
companionship.
From
a cosmic point of view, life is impeccably fair. But from
the human state of consciousness, it is not. People are
dealt very different hands in life, and the art of living is in making
the most out of what we have. The mistake that we often make
is in feeling that life must be fair in what it doles out to us, and
that we are all owed our portion of wealth, companionship, security,
and intimacy. If someone is blessed with the capacity for
romantic love or for creating wealth, that is wonderful, but it in no
way sets them apart from others, nor elevates them in spiritual
status. Quite the contrary, the deepest spirituality is most
often found in those who have experienced poverty, exile, loneliness,
and physical, emotional, or even mental instability.
We are being sold a bill of goods. We are relying on people
like Marianne Williamson to tell us what kind of lives we should
want. People who are rich in wealth, beauty, fame, or
intimacy are cashing in by setting themselves up as models for
others. If they are beautiful, they write books about their
experience of being beautiful. If they are rich, they
publish tomes on their experience of being rich. If they are
intimate with others, they author texts celebrating their experience of
intimacy. And all these narratives are sold to us as
emblematic of some type of modern virtue. The caption on the
back cover of Enchanted Love says it all—“What the World Needs Now.”
 But
this is not what the world needs. This is not what people
need. This is the grand illusion that we live in a world of
sweetness, of sugar and spice, and that it requires a special kind of
courage to catch the nectar in our cup. If, on the other
hand, you want to read something that is a real spiritual and
intellectual adventure, I recommend the classic fantasy novel, A Voyage to Arcturus, by David Lindsay, which exposes this grand illusion in dazzling, virtuoso style. In the world of Arcturus,
nothing is the way it seems—the beautiful is hideously ugly, and the
seemingly ugly beautiful. The whispered platitudes of beings
who are virtually immortal, and who spend their lives in perpetual
sensual embrace, are ultimately found to be as thin and hollow as the
breath of the dead.
“Well, with that attitude, it’s no wonder you don’t have an intimate
relationship.” That’s the typical comment you can expect to
get in today’s world if you utter any complaint about Ms. Williamson’s
brand of spiritual romanticism. But that’s easy for people
to say. That’s what keeps psychological quacks in business,
and people like Ms. Williamson reaping profits and gathering
followers. But these people haven’t walked a mile in your
shoes. They don’t know the reasons and the causes for your
experiences in life. Only you have lived long enough in your
own body and with your own heart and mind, to have a feeling or
intuition about the nature and direction of your life. Don’t
let anyone dictate to you what you need in life. This is
nothing but a condescending gesture on the part of people who have
discovered that wealth creates wealth, beauty begets beauty, and
intimacy engenders intimacy. People need to understand that
they’re all right the way they are, that everything is here and now,
not at some indeterminate point in the future when they, too, will have
brains, good looks, money, and a glamorous sex life.
We can stand at the station with our hand open, but nothing will get us
that ticket if it is not in our ultimate best interest as
Soul. Joining a New Age church and worshipping at the altar
of another person’s experience won’t give us that ticket,
either. The true abundance is in knowing ourselves, in
accepting the world as it is, other people as they are, and ourselves
as we are, and living in this world with joy and happiness regardless
of our station and circumstances in life. |
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Date Submitted:
2001-07-17 00:00:00
Review by The Spiritual Traveler |
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